Empty cassettes

October 21, 2009

I walked to work this morning and I’m not sure what it was but I felt like an extra amount of bodas were trying to get me to allow them to carry me to where I was going. I understand that its business for them, but it kind of became a little frustrating. I thought I was home free as I turned into the courtyard/ally that leads to the hospital from the main road, but I still had a little more adventure before me. A boy was walking towards me and when he saw me walk past, he turned and began following me. He was complimenting me on everything he could think of, but before I had walked past him I noticed that he didn’t seem to be fully with it. Like maybe he wasn’t all there mentally or he was intoxicated. In this sort of situation I just try to ignore the person’s advances and continue on my way, but he was determined, and then, right before I was about to turn into the big steel gate of the hospital, he grabbed the strap of my bag I carry to work. He kept saying “I want to stick with you. Let me stick with you.” I began to tell him, in an elevated voice to draw attention, that he needed to let go of my bag. We went back and forth for what seemed like a really long time, but probably was only fifteen seconds, as I tried to remove his grasp from my bag. He kept repeating that he wanted to stick with me, and I kept demanding that he let go. I was trying to remain very aware of what he was doing, as I didn’t know what he would do next. He finally released his hold and I quickly resumed my walk into the department. On my way in, a man who had been watching came to ask me what all of that was about. I said I had no idea, but assured him that I was fine as I proceeded in the entry way. After a few more seconds, and after getting out of ear shot of the people near the gate, I just began to laugh and thank God for His protection in that situation. Those sorts of things do not happen in Gulu, and that is the first time ANYTHING like that has happened to me in Africa, but it was pretty intense for a few seconds there.

At about 11 am the film supply ran out. I was able to do about eight x-rays today, but then had to turn patients away. I processed the films I had taken and as they dried I left for lunch, letting Atim know of the situation. I also went and told Morris. He said that now it is up to management of the hospital to get more films to the unit, and if they didn’t, the unit would remain closed. As I walked out of the hospital the only thoughts I had were questions about whether I had done what I was supposed to. In a way I feel like I have failed these people. I wasn’t able to fix the problems, nor was I able to provide a lasting change, as far as I can tell. I just kept wondering if I had really done any good. I was almost in tears as I prayerfully exited the steel gates. I wonder what ‘success’ I was expecting. What does success in a place so impoverished look like? What was I supposed to leave behind and did I leave it? What a humbling thing for me to have these questions arise as I walked out. I realized, in such an incredibly real way, that just like I ultimately can’t control the preservation of my own life, so can I not control the effect my being in Gulu will have. God was in charge of getting me here and He is also in charge of the results that come out of it. I just pray I did it right, from my end.