September 30
Today was somewhat difficult to begin with. I was missing home pretty bad when I left for work so I called and spoke with both Mom and Jodi. It was so good, though very brief. I got to work at about 8:25 and the only person there was Atim, the girl who cleans the unit. I asked if Charles was around and she said no. A couple of patients came pretty early, one to pick up her films and another patient who had another order form the doctor. I had x-rayed her humerus yesterday and should have just done what the doctor ordered, which was both her shoulder and elbow. I reasoned that a humerus would be adequate but it wasn’t so the doctor sent her back for elbow films. She is an elderly woman who was beaten in the head, should and arm by her son. I don’t know what reason he had for that, but I don’t really need to know. It bothered me to see her like that. I x-rayed those two patients and developed their films so that they could go, but after I had waited a half hour for the power to come back on. Not the nicest of surprises to walk in the door to. No power in the unit means no x-rays. I spent a half hour checking the light switches to see if it had come back on, and finally it did. But in the mean time, all I could do was wait, which is very difficult for me when patients are involved. The patients had to wait for their care because I couldn’t make x-rays come out of thin air. And it really made me realize where, personally, I feel my loyalty is as a medical professional. I really don’t mind if I’m getting yelled at, or if things aren’t going how I want, as long as patients are getting taken care of. But if something hinders that, I get irate quickly.
Not only was the power slow to come on, but so were my coworkers slow to come to work. By 1030 I was still the only one in the department, and I could do nothing about it. Charles had to be in town for something and Lawrence had to be at a different job, so neither came to develop films. I didn’t find those things out until later and it caught me off guard and bothered me because I didn’t think it was good patient care. So by the time Hillary came to work I was pretty upset. He tried to help explain to me, but it was just frustrating. I realized, however, that responding that way wasn’t ok. I was short, nappy and angry with my coworkers which is not how I should or want to operate. Along with those difficulties, I have been feeling the pressure of being the Muzungu. People expect a lot from me and its difficult to not be able to come through for them. I am in a culture where the color of skin indicates a lot to people and its even more so in the medical field, I feel. As an example, there was a mother who came to the unit with her son. He had hurt his shoulder and needed clavicle x-rays. After shooting his films I informed the mom that she could wait for the films or return the following day to pick them up. She tried to explain to me that she had left a young baby at home, but as I explained to her, I was the only one there and how could I do anything? And she asked for ‘assistance,’ usually meaning money. And its not that I don’t want to help, but being in this culture I feel like a wisdom has to be used in those situations. She decided to wait and luckily we sent her with her son’s films later, but it was difficult for me to deal with that. It was a completely uncomfortable situation.
The afternoon wasn’t too busy and I had a few errands to run and after my morning I reasoned that maybe taking a break would be a good idea. So I asked my colleague, Hillary, if he wouldn’t mind if I didn’t come back after lunch. He graciously said no problem, and I said farewell for the day.
I walked home and as I entered the gate, was instantly at ‘home.’ I love coming back to the life of 31 bits going on. The woman laughing and joking with one another as they meticulously cut the paper that will be crafted into the beautiful jewelry they create. The girls are also really fun to watch interact with the women, and you can see the depth of their love and care for these women. The women are not just employees, they are family. Its beautiful to watch as their lives overlap and the friendships are built on. I spent a little time out with them, taking pictures and talking and then went in to write. After finishing a few things I changed my clothes, grabbed my things and hopped a boda to get to the bank and then on to Cafe Larem. My time at the internet is actually a really sweet time for me, especially when I’m missing home. It just re-connects me, and I’m grateful for that opportunity.
I was having difficulty sleeping as the rain began again last night. It was loud and it poured down. I hadn’t gone out to see it the night before and was frustrated I’d missed it, so this time I decided to go out and see. Then, to my surprise, Alli and Jessie grabbed me and pulled me out into the down pour. They were dancing in it and I joined it. It was glorious! And as I let myself go a little, I realized how much I need to do that more. Dance. Laugh. Act like a goofball. I do so many things in rigidity and stiffness and I hate it. I gotta let go.
We went inside after our rain dance and made tea as we talked. It was such a sweet time of conversation with a couple of great friends. So glad I didn’t stay in the hotel...
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