Challenged but blessed

October 2 

Upon arriving at work this morning I noticed a couple of girls sitting outside on the steps. I asked if they were there because they had x-ray orders and the older (maybe around 19 or 20 years) said yes and handed me the requisition form. The little girl next to her was mumbling something in Acholi baby talk and I went inside to record the information. I realized I needed some films so I asked them if they would wait. As far as I could tell from the orders, I needed to x-ray all of the younger girl’s limbs. Both of her legs were in casts up to the proximal femur. The requisition said that all limbs were paralyzed, which I saw the effect of as I watched more closely. The young girl’s arms hung limply at her sides, palms turned outward with obvious under development of the muscles in her appendages. To eat the roll that she was given she had to lift her arm from the shoulder and turn her hand over (so the palm was facing up) and then bend her mouth down to her hand that was resting against her leg. 

She watched me curiously as I went to figure out if I could eek out the x-rays on the films I had available and ready. I finally found out which films I could use and I asked the two of them to enter the room. Before this, however, I asked Atim to ask them how long the girl had been in this condition. It wasn’t a traumatic thing, she simply developed this way.

As we brought the young girl into the room she began to cry. I can’t say I blame her, as she has probably had more than a few terrifying experiences in rooms that look exactly the same. Her legs hung limply as she was carried in, and between the sight of that and her crying, I was nearly in tears myself. Luckily I held it together while she was in the room. We laid her on the table and I shot both legs on a 14”x17” film. Her legs laid out to the sides, like frog legs in their little casts. She cried pretty much the entire time, but we got through that film and then I tried for her arms. Again, she began crying, and really didn’t want me touching her, but I was able to get the films taken and got her off the table as soon as possible. When her films came out it looked as i had cruelly contorted her little arms into the position, however, they naturally laid rolled out due to the paralysis. Its not that I think cases like that don’t happen in the United States, but its simply more raw here. To see  a young child with thick, bilateral plaster casts on her legs when she is the age that she should be out running around, playing... That does something to me.

There were not many patient today, which afforded Hillary and I the time to chat. I shared with him how just the day before I had found myself wondering if I was really doing any good here. Was any of it really going to matter? what legacy was I leaving and if I was leaving one, was it a good one? It had struck me yesterday how maybe I have just been here, just existed. Had I invested? Had I opened myself up here? Or was I just biding my time because I said I’d some. And then I laughed, also, because I’m in Gulu, Uganda, questioning if I am making a difference!! I really had not expected that to happen. I hadn't expected that to be the question I asked myself during these days. 

As we talked Hillary assured me that in fact, I am making a difference. Just the fact that I brought markers with me was HUGE! Up until now they hadn’t had any and due to inadequate materials, had no hope of making any. He also explained how me working hard and being how i am has helped to reinforce the change in culture he has attempted to instill. Its like people are seeing what I’m doing and realizing that what he has been saying isn’t too far off. It was good to hear, but still didn’t really satisfy that longing in my heart that wnats to know my life is, in fact making a difference in this earth, while i’m here.

Speaking of inadequate materials, today we opened out last box of films. The last 100 x-ray films for this whole hospital was not only opened, but the expiration date was August... Of 2006!! I was shocked! Are you serious? I even took a picture, because I was so appalled. Not that we wouldn’t use them (because if we didn’t, we couldn’t help the people) but that there is such a lack. It messes with me so much that people experience this. What makes Eugene more special than Gulu?! Didn’t God create them both? Some things are beyond my understanding right now.

When I left work I headed home and grabbed a quick nap. I woke up and the girls let me know that they were going to go to Friday Night Fellowship with John at one of the houses that Restore Int’l has. I mentioned something about Ethiopian food (I hadn't had it yet) and the plan was set. We’d go to Ethiopian and then to fellowship.

The food was good, but fellowship was even better. We arrived at the house and immediately were welcomed by the girls. A few came out to the Prado and escorted us in and then we met more inside the house. There ended up being about twelve girls who we met, all around 13 years old and all from vulnerable backgrounds. But they were as sweet and welcoming as anything. We entered into our worship time which was full of singing, dancing and only the beat of a drum to keep the cadence. Like most music around here, simplicity is the usual pattern, and I can’t say I mind. Something about simple worship lifted with honest hands is holy and beautiful. I even danced a bit! Not that i was the best, but I let my feet lift up a bit, something that is pretty big for me. We shared a few songs which ended in beautiful prayers rising out of the mouths of these teenage girls, and was culminated by one offered by the ‘Auntie’ who was there. We sort of just sat around and chatted for while after. It was great, though it broke my heart as well. They desperately want to see a better world and are desperate for the love of a parent, sister or friend. I pray that God blesses them abundantly with the ‘sisters’ they have there in that home. 

I have come to realize the grace that God is giving to me daily. No matter how the morning hours go or how difficult they are for me, by the evening and afternoon it seems as though He once again demonstrates His love and beauty, applying a healing balm to my weeping heart. I am so thankful for this grace...