Flexion and Extension Views

October 6, 2009 

Slow mornings seem to be more difficult for me than busy ones. I don’t know why, but times like this morning, where I only did two films in the first one and half hours is kind of hard for me. Its not what I’m used to, or prefer to do. Luckily, today it picked up. Though it seemed to all happen at once.

I had to repeat films on a patient because the orders had been ignored. The patient’s requisition said to do flexion and extension views of the lumbar spine. I had noticed it when I took the paper to record the name, but however did the film failed to read that part, so they did AP and lateral views. The patient came back, handed me the requisition, pointed at it, and i knew what was wrong. I apologized and told him I would retake his films. When I got the patient in and positioned I tried to have him do the extension position, which he just needed to arch his back for, however, the language barrier proved to be pretty big for this particular exam. Normally I can sort of just move the patient and then grunt in agreement or correction, but it was NOT working for this exam. I asked Atim (who is pictured with her baby, Angel) to come in and interpret for me. She has helped me a lot in the past few weeks, but in this case, it proved to be a little more challenging. She had to translate from English to Acholi for the patient to understand, but first I had to translate from medical terms to layman's terms for her. What normally would have only taken a few minutes to explain in America took Atim and I probably twenty minutes. Twenty minutes of going back and forth, correcting the misunderstandings and incorrect movements. It was trying, to say the least. We finally got the films done and I allowed the patient to go. So many things have taught me patient here, I can’t even begin to explain them all.

When I said that it picked up a bit later, I meant it. In fact, my supervisor, Morris, came in at one point to greet me and I was barely able to talk with him. Not only did I have a patient on the table, but also had many more waiting in line. I felt rude, but at the same time I felt like it was ok. So much gets set aside when it comes to patient care here because of ideas or cultural norms and its something I sometimes struggle to balance. I’m learning though. Always learning...

I had one patient come who actually sort of ended up bothering me. He works at the hospital and was an all right guy, except that he expected special treatment because of it. He explained why his orders were dated for a few weeks ago, and ended up taking a lot of time to tell the story. However, then he seemed perturbed that we could not do his films right away. I asked him to wait because we needed to process some films. I understand that he was in pain also, however, the fact that he expected preferential treatment because of his status bothered me. It seems to happen here quite a bit. A title causes them to consider themselves above the rest of the patients sitting outside waiting. I have been challenged lately with this idea of entitlement. It happens everywhere, and I am beginning to realize the root of it. I am trying to make sure I do not operate from that sort of place. It gets to me. Though I really am still loving this, I am also being challenged a lot. Growing, growing, growing...

Beaver Believers in Uganda

October 5, 2009

Day nine at GRRH started out slowly. Usually precipitation of any kind deters much movement towards the hospital, both from patients and from staff. Though TIA (This Is Africa) has become part of my vocabulary and I have realized the truth of African time, it still does get to my American Type A personality every one in a while. I think its good for me though. Its making me loosen up a bit. Its probably part of what I’m supposed to learn here.

I took a few films this morning, and nothing too out of the ordinary. Still hurting people, grateful for some help. though one patient came in for shoulder and neck x-rays and within a few of my sentences asked where I was from in the US. I said Oregon, and he exclaimed “Oregon State?!” I said yes, and he proceeded to tell me that he is Oregon State Alumni! He went to school there in 1969 and then came back here to Uganda. He is a very stately sort of man, with broad shoulders and head held high, but as soon as we started talking about football his face lit up. We chatted about Corvallis, the Beavs and Oregon in general while I took his films. We laughed about how small the world is and how unlikely it is that we met each other. But Beaver Believers are family, so he said now I am his daughter. We laughed a lot, and I was glad to have met him. Sure haven't met any Duck fans out here. Must be a sign!

A couple patients presented with orders that said “TB spine.” I didn’t know what that meant, and I don’t pretend to understand what all TB entails, but these patients were crippled. And I can’t help but think it had to do with the disease in their bodies. 

A little boy (4 years old) came to x-rays done of his elbow. He was just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and very quiet as he came into the exam room. I set him up on the table and was using a box as a sponge to raise the film up higher. As I positioned his arm I had to move it a little bit and he didn’t make a sound. As I was getting ready to take the film I had serious question about whether he was really hurt or not. I mean, if I had done the same to any child in the US they probably would have been screaming and their parents giving me dirty looks. But he just watched and tried to adhere to my requests. At one point I had to rotate it more and then his tears began to slowly fall. He whimpered a little and then hid his face. I felt so bad. Not only had my positioning hurt him (which often happens) but also he seemed to be ashamed that the tears fell. I wanted to cry for him, or at least let him know he could cry.

Again, it was difficult for me to not be able to give results to patients. I really hate to say “come back tomorrow.” Thinking about the differences between Gulu Regional and Sacred Heart are vast, and being here has made me appreciate there. Its interesting how that works.

Sunday Sunday

Sunday, October 4

This morning I let myself sleep in. I didn’t get to sleep until late the night before (because of hanging out with Morris and his family) so I finally got up at 845. I was just going to do my devotions, until the girls said they were going to be going to Watoto Church at 10 and asked if I’d like to go also? Yes please!

We all go ready and because it was so close to when church would start we decided to catch bodas. Jessie and I climbed on one and Alli was going to get the next. We started going down a street that normally wouldn’t be used, and in an attempt to avoid the mud and potholes, the driver took a precarious route, which ended unfortunately with the boda dumping over on the driver, Jessie and I. It was totally a slow motion thing, but in the end we all took a quick survey of the damage. Thank the Lord it wasn’t much. Just a little dirt on clean Sunday clothing and maybe a little more cautious approach to this frequently used mode of transportation. I really was very glad we all go out of it safely. Thank You Lord!

At church (which the worship was wonderfully lead by the same worship pastors as Watoto Kampala) we took communion at the end. And as we passed the red juice and bread, I was overwhelmed by the incredible sacrifice those two articles represent. I could barely keep from crying as I saw Jesus up on that cross, His naked body broken so that I might live. I think that being here, and seeing all I have has shown me much more of what He went through, and that it wasn’t a clean, civilized thing. Realizing that seeing someone get hit in the face hurts me, I can’t imagine what was done to Him. Its something that I think I take for granted but that when I realize it, ruins every bit of pride I might have accumulated. Realizing the amount of pain He endured ON MY BEHALF is the most humbling thing I have ever become aware of, because I know what I’ve come from and what I’ve done, but He still hung, naked on that cross for me. Dang..

Today marked my half way point. Only two more weeks of being here in Gulu. I have really enjoyed my time, but as I told Bethany (whom I spoke with at dinner at Fugley’s) I feel like I’ve sort of been in survival mode. I haven't cried over what I’ve seen here, nor do I think I’ve let it penetrate my heart. I don’t know if that is good or bad, but it does bother me some. I have never wanted to be closed off to what I’m immersed in, and et I feel like maybe thats what I’ve done. But at the same time, it feels like this is my survival time. I don’t know. I do know that I’m going to need some time by myself to relax and decompress from all of this. I don’t know what that will be like or how to do it really, but even if its just a few days of thinking, writing and praying, that might prove to be enough. 

This afternoon I was able to go visit my friend Jeremy, whom I had met on the bus from Kampala to Gulu. We had both had a little bit of time to see Gulu life and be at work, so we got together to share stories and some food. He graciously shared some avocados and tomatoes with dressing on them with me, as well as fresh squeezed orange juice. I brought chapati and the meal was complete!! (I’m really going to miss that food!) We just sat and shared about various things for a couple hour, but to me it was really great. Being friends with Jeremy is definitely not something I would have foreseen happening, but I welcome it whole-heartedly.

I went home after lunch and was tired so I took a little nap. I ended up waking up to the biggest craving for a burger and fries so I decided that I’d head to Bomah, as I knew I could enjoy some quiet and solitude along with my food. However, just when we were about to pull in the Ketchup at Fugley’s overpowered my desire to have a guaranteed quiet evening. (Who would have thought I would frequent a restaurant simply because of Ketchup?! Its powerful stuff though.) I asked the driver to continue on to Fugley’s and I was able to have my chips with Ketchup!

I sat at a table a little further out and began to write. But within a short time I was joined by a girl who I had seen the week before at trivia night. She introduced herself and sat down to talk. (Oh well on the writing...)

Bethany is here as a ‘supported volunteer’ working with an HIV/Aids support organization. She’s been here for a few weeks and will be here until November, with a possibility of staying longer. She is really funny and we had a great time chatting. It was actually really great to talk with her because of her understanding of medicine and the challenges of medicine here, in a developing country. As we spoke, though, we were able to talk about how even though we are in these potentially dangerous and infectious situations we are covered by the blood of Jesus. Her boss, even, is now TB+ and got her exposure by working with these patients here. But God is bigger than TB, HIV/Aids and every other disease. He is covering us and in Him we need not fear. Even though some things are difficult here, I just keep on being blessed by these sorts of encounters. 

Saturday is for Baptisms and Football

October 3

After spending some sweet time at Cafe Larem, skyping with my mom this morning, I headed home so that I could shower and get ready to go to Morris’s house. He invited me to his grandson’s baptism within a few days of me being at the hospital, and I was glad to accept the offer. 

At about 1pm I headed over the clinic where Morris had a few hours worth of work. We left shortly after and went to his house. I was greeted by his wife, and a few other relatives, as well as a couple of his daughters. Their home is beautiful and filled with family things, like photos and school awards. Morris and Helen have seven children, the eldest being 33 years and the youngest 16. One girl, Anne, is my age and studying in Kampala to be a doctor. I actually had the opportunity to talk with her quite a bit about her program, her passions and her dreams within her vocation. She is a very driven, intelligent and focused individual, and at the same time, she is refreshingly a 23 year old girl. She said things like “Seriously?” in surprise and it just made me smile. I told her about the stethoscope Jed had given me and asked if she would like to have it. Would it help? Yes, of course! She is required to have a stethoscope, sphygmomanometer and a patella hammer, so I figured that an extra stethoscope might be helpful. Plus, she will use it far more often in the coming years that I would. Especially considering I don’t even know what to listen for! I was also able to talk with Lynn (who is 25 years old) about spiritual poverty in the US. She asked me some questions about the life there and the best answer I could give was that the depth of spiritual poverty is immense. She seemed to understand, which opened up some good dialogue between us. 

The family really welcomed me and made me feel like an honored guest, always asking if they might serve me something else to drink or asking if I had had enough to eat. It was really difficult for me to accept, actually, but incredible to experience as well.

After the baptism (I actually didn’t go to and just stayed at the house during the prayers) everyone came back and we had dinner and cake. The babies didn’t much like the attention or pictures, but it was really cute to watch them interact with each other. Maria is six months and got baptized, but Lucas is only two months young, and his big brother, Andrea, is 3 years. Mercy is maybe around seven.

After dinner and cake we got to watch football! It was great! We had to put fuel in the generator, but that was worth the Manchester United vs. Sunderland game. Dang. Ugandans LOVE football! I really enjoyed watching it with them. Sunderland played a good game and the end score ended up being a tie, 2-2. I didn’t get home until late this evening, but that was fine by me. What a fun day!

Challenged but blessed

October 2 

Upon arriving at work this morning I noticed a couple of girls sitting outside on the steps. I asked if they were there because they had x-ray orders and the older (maybe around 19 or 20 years) said yes and handed me the requisition form. The little girl next to her was mumbling something in Acholi baby talk and I went inside to record the information. I realized I needed some films so I asked them if they would wait. As far as I could tell from the orders, I needed to x-ray all of the younger girl’s limbs. Both of her legs were in casts up to the proximal femur. The requisition said that all limbs were paralyzed, which I saw the effect of as I watched more closely. The young girl’s arms hung limply at her sides, palms turned outward with obvious under development of the muscles in her appendages. To eat the roll that she was given she had to lift her arm from the shoulder and turn her hand over (so the palm was facing up) and then bend her mouth down to her hand that was resting against her leg. 

She watched me curiously as I went to figure out if I could eek out the x-rays on the films I had available and ready. I finally found out which films I could use and I asked the two of them to enter the room. Before this, however, I asked Atim to ask them how long the girl had been in this condition. It wasn’t a traumatic thing, she simply developed this way.

As we brought the young girl into the room she began to cry. I can’t say I blame her, as she has probably had more than a few terrifying experiences in rooms that look exactly the same. Her legs hung limply as she was carried in, and between the sight of that and her crying, I was nearly in tears myself. Luckily I held it together while she was in the room. We laid her on the table and I shot both legs on a 14”x17” film. Her legs laid out to the sides, like frog legs in their little casts. She cried pretty much the entire time, but we got through that film and then I tried for her arms. Again, she began crying, and really didn’t want me touching her, but I was able to get the films taken and got her off the table as soon as possible. When her films came out it looked as i had cruelly contorted her little arms into the position, however, they naturally laid rolled out due to the paralysis. Its not that I think cases like that don’t happen in the United States, but its simply more raw here. To see  a young child with thick, bilateral plaster casts on her legs when she is the age that she should be out running around, playing... That does something to me.

There were not many patient today, which afforded Hillary and I the time to chat. I shared with him how just the day before I had found myself wondering if I was really doing any good here. Was any of it really going to matter? what legacy was I leaving and if I was leaving one, was it a good one? It had struck me yesterday how maybe I have just been here, just existed. Had I invested? Had I opened myself up here? Or was I just biding my time because I said I’d some. And then I laughed, also, because I’m in Gulu, Uganda, questioning if I am making a difference!! I really had not expected that to happen. I hadn't expected that to be the question I asked myself during these days. 

As we talked Hillary assured me that in fact, I am making a difference. Just the fact that I brought markers with me was HUGE! Up until now they hadn’t had any and due to inadequate materials, had no hope of making any. He also explained how me working hard and being how i am has helped to reinforce the change in culture he has attempted to instill. Its like people are seeing what I’m doing and realizing that what he has been saying isn’t too far off. It was good to hear, but still didn’t really satisfy that longing in my heart that wnats to know my life is, in fact making a difference in this earth, while i’m here.

Speaking of inadequate materials, today we opened out last box of films. The last 100 x-ray films for this whole hospital was not only opened, but the expiration date was August... Of 2006!! I was shocked! Are you serious? I even took a picture, because I was so appalled. Not that we wouldn’t use them (because if we didn’t, we couldn’t help the people) but that there is such a lack. It messes with me so much that people experience this. What makes Eugene more special than Gulu?! Didn’t God create them both? Some things are beyond my understanding right now.

When I left work I headed home and grabbed a quick nap. I woke up and the girls let me know that they were going to go to Friday Night Fellowship with John at one of the houses that Restore Int’l has. I mentioned something about Ethiopian food (I hadn't had it yet) and the plan was set. We’d go to Ethiopian and then to fellowship.

The food was good, but fellowship was even better. We arrived at the house and immediately were welcomed by the girls. A few came out to the Prado and escorted us in and then we met more inside the house. There ended up being about twelve girls who we met, all around 13 years old and all from vulnerable backgrounds. But they were as sweet and welcoming as anything. We entered into our worship time which was full of singing, dancing and only the beat of a drum to keep the cadence. Like most music around here, simplicity is the usual pattern, and I can’t say I mind. Something about simple worship lifted with honest hands is holy and beautiful. I even danced a bit! Not that i was the best, but I let my feet lift up a bit, something that is pretty big for me. We shared a few songs which ended in beautiful prayers rising out of the mouths of these teenage girls, and was culminated by one offered by the ‘Auntie’ who was there. We sort of just sat around and chatted for while after. It was great, though it broke my heart as well. They desperately want to see a better world and are desperate for the love of a parent, sister or friend. I pray that God blesses them abundantly with the ‘sisters’ they have there in that home. 

I have come to realize the grace that God is giving to me daily. No matter how the morning hours go or how difficult they are for me, by the evening and afternoon it seems as though He once again demonstrates His love and beauty, applying a healing balm to my weeping heart. I am so thankful for this grace...

Tough little kids

October 1 

There came into the x-ray department a little 8 year old girl today. She was with her mom and sitting on her mothers lap, sort of moaning. She was with it, mentally, but seemed to be in a lot of pain. I took the requisition form from her mom and it was uncertain to me what needed to be x-rayed, as doctors’ handwriting is poor in Uganda also. I went out to ask her mom, and fairly soon it was very obvious that her femur was broken. And broken so much that it was substantially shortened, indicative of not only a break but an overlap of the broken pieces within her leg. The requisition said a leg and chest x-ray, so I prepared the room and had her mother bring the girl in. Before I even had her on the table, the girl was crying, and it only intensified when we placed her on the table. Instead of crying it turned to screaming. I can’t say that I blame her much, as her left leg was virtually hanging limp next to her right. No, I don’t blame her for screaming at all. I attempted to speak in English to the mother but she didn’t understand at all. By this time I had the young girl’s head and shoulders cradled in my arm to try to alleviate some of the pain and pressure on her leg. But I needed the mother to do the same thing so that i could position and I couldn’t let her know that. Luckily, Atim was close by so I called for her (over the screams of the girl) and implored her to please explain to the mother that I needed her to hold the girl. Finally the words were communicated and we got going. The next challenge, however, was that I needed to move the film under the girl and she was scared, screaming and kicking with her good leg. I finally maneuvered the girl (after attempting to calm her down in a language she doesn't understand) and we were ready to shoot the x-ray. I exposed and then grabbed another film for the chest. We lifted the girl and repositioned for the chest. In between her screams, I took the picture and we were done. I asked the mother to please stay so that I could develop her films. “They need to go to the doctor today with these films. This is a bad break,” I was thinking. I had Atim ask when the injury occurred, fully expecting to hear a day of so ago. “Three months ago.” I couldn’t believe my ear just heard that. I pressed a little more, questioning the answer but three months was what the mother said. All I could think was “How is it still this bad?”

I developed the films, and sure enough, the femur was broken, and in a couple of places. It sort of spiral fractured twice, once near the hip and once again near the knee. I could hardly believe it and was really upset as I realized the pain that girl was in. 

It was overcast so I had to dry the films in the room, and it took a while. In that time Charles came to work. We greeted one another and I realized how much I appreciate him being at work. He knows the department and knows what to do in many situations, which is helpful for me. I showed him the films of the girl’s leg and he said “that is an old fracture.” I told him what the mother had said and he asked as well. The answer came back again, three months. I asked him how that was possible. The medical care is good enough here that they would be able to cast this girl’s leg. What had happened? We talked and it seemed as though they went to surgery to fix her leg and something happened in the bone. Whether it was infection or what was uncertain to me, but somehow the bone is deteriorating inside her body. There was also an effect happening on her shoulder, and it seemed that maybe they were thinking the problem was spreading. This got Charles and I to talking.

We were talking about why this would happen and he simply said, “Maybe God is tired. Many people don’t fear God here and maybe He’s just tired of it.” He explained how many more diseases and illnesses can be found in the villages than ten years ago and how it doesn't make sense but that he thinks that might be the case. I was really shocked and taken aback by his statement, but at the same time, as I contemplated his words I began to wonder at that. I have a hard time understanding how my friend could say those words, and yet, at the same time I come from a place where physical illness and brokenness can be easily fixed. I rarely see 8 year olds with three month old femur fractures that are still unhealed. Let alone full of some sort of infection. That would not happen in the US, so in a way I can understand how what he has seen here makes him think that way. And its not that Charles is saying God isn’t good, but he was saying that the absence of fear and the irreverence is having an effect. Interesting.

Today also seemed to be the little kid broken bone day. I think I x-rayed at least four patients under the age of ten with visibly deformed fractures on their limbs. One of these was a 3 year old with a swollen left elbow. She had fallen and when her films came back it was obvious she had fractured her humerus. However, you never would have know that when I was x-raying her. She quietly complied with my requests for positioning and never made a sound. Instead she just watched me. I wonder, in those moments, if the curiosity and fear of my white skin makes the pain take a back seat, or if its just because these are tough little kids? Maybe I’ll never know the answer, but its interesting, nonetheless.

To go along with these tough little kids, a girl came in with a splinted but still broken left ankle. She was a little more vocal about her pain but rightfully so. Her ankle was at least 3 times the normal size and obviously infected. I had to take an AP and lateral, but just getting her on the table was excruciating for her. So I did a cross table lateral after the AP and tried to hurry as much as possible. I may not be able to ease everyone’s pain, but I will do the best I can where I can. In this case, I think that what happened after was more disturbing than her condition. 

Her wound began to ooze, so we put some gauze on it and then because she needed to wait for her results, she remained seated on the concrete floor for the duration. Here she is, filled with pain, with an already infected leg, sitting on a dirty floor. I suppose the pain of sitting on the bench was worse than the floor, so I can’t blame her for choosing that spot, but it just bothered me to see. Seems like that happens a lot these days...

Thursday evening is Trivia Night at Fugley’s, a restaurant and pub in Gulu, so Alli, Jessie and I headed over this evening. It was really fun for me to be doing something with the girls and to be out of the house was great. I was able to meet some of the Gulu Muzungu crew, Shawn, Jared and John. John works for Restore Int’l, Jared for Invisible Children and Shawn for Krochet Kids. They are all really interesting, fun and easy to get along with, so as Alli and Jessie led trivia night, I participated with the guys. I had a great time, and even won a 31bits bracelet! I won it because I knew that the song playing was Circus by Brittney Spears, which I’m not sure how I feel about that, but I got a sweet bracelet anyway...

Challenges at mid week

September 30

Today was somewhat difficult to begin with. I was missing home pretty bad when I left for work so I called and spoke with both Mom and Jodi. It was so good, though very brief. I got to work at about 8:25 and the only person there was Atim, the girl who cleans the unit. I asked if Charles was around and she said no. A couple of patients came pretty early, one to pick up her films and another patient who had another order form the doctor. I had x-rayed her humerus yesterday and should have just done what the doctor ordered, which was both her shoulder and elbow. I reasoned that a humerus would be adequate but it wasn’t so the doctor sent her back for elbow films. She is an elderly woman who was beaten in the head, should and arm by her son. I don’t know what reason he had for that, but I don’t really need to know. It bothered me to see her like that. I x-rayed those two patients and developed their films so that they could go, but after I had waited a half hour for the power to come back on. Not the nicest of surprises to walk in the door to. No power in the unit means no x-rays. I spent a half hour checking the light switches to see if it had come back on, and finally it did. But in the mean time, all I could do was wait, which is very difficult for me when patients are involved. The patients had to wait for their care because I couldn’t make x-rays come out of thin air. And it really made me realize where, personally, I feel my loyalty is as a medical professional. I really don’t mind if I’m getting yelled at, or if things aren’t going how I want, as long as patients are getting taken care of. But if something hinders that, I get irate quickly. 

Not only was the power slow to come on, but so were my coworkers slow to come to work. By 1030 I was still the only one in the department, and I could do nothing about it. Charles had to be in town for something and Lawrence had to be at a different job, so neither came to develop films. I didn’t find those things out until later and it caught me off guard and bothered me because I didn’t think it was good patient care. So by the time Hillary came to work I was pretty upset. He tried to help explain to me, but it was just frustrating. I realized, however, that responding that way wasn’t ok. I was short, nappy and angry with my coworkers which is not how I should or want to operate. Along with those difficulties, I have been feeling the pressure of being the Muzungu. People expect a lot from me and its difficult to not be able to come through for them. I am in a culture where the color of skin indicates a lot to people and its even more so in the medical field, I feel. As an example, there was a mother who came to the unit with her son. He had hurt his shoulder and needed clavicle x-rays. After shooting his films I informed the mom that she could wait for the films or return the following day to pick them up. She tried to explain to me that she had left a young baby at home, but as I explained to her, I was the only one there and how could I do anything? And she asked for ‘assistance,’ usually meaning money. And its not that I don’t want to help, but being in this culture I feel like a wisdom has to be used in those situations. She decided to wait and luckily we sent her with her son’s films later, but it was difficult for me to deal with that. It was a completely uncomfortable situation.

The afternoon wasn’t too busy and I had a few errands to run and after my morning I reasoned that maybe taking a break would be a good idea. So I asked my colleague, Hillary, if he wouldn’t mind if I didn’t come back after lunch. He graciously said no problem, and I said farewell for the day.

I walked home and as I entered the gate, was instantly at ‘home.’ I love coming back to the life of 31 bits going on. The woman laughing and joking with one another as they meticulously cut the paper that will be crafted into the beautiful jewelry they create. The girls are also really fun to watch interact with the women, and you can see the depth of their love and care for these women. The women are not just employees, they are family. Its beautiful to watch as their lives overlap and the friendships are built on. I spent a little time out with them, taking pictures and talking and then went in to write. After finishing a few things I changed my clothes, grabbed my things and hopped a boda to get to the bank and then on to Cafe Larem. My time at the internet is actually a really sweet time for me, especially when I’m missing home. It just re-connects me, and I’m grateful for that opportunity.

I was having difficulty sleeping as the rain began again last night. It was loud and it poured down. I hadn’t gone out to see it the night before and was frustrated I’d missed it, so this time I decided to go out and see. Then, to my surprise, Alli and Jessie grabbed me and pulled me out into the down pour. They were dancing in it and I joined it. It was glorious! And as I let myself go a little, I realized how much I need to do that more. Dance. Laugh. Act like a goofball. I do so many things in rigidity and stiffness and I hate it. I gotta let go.

We went inside after our rain dance and made tea as we talked. It was such a sweet time of conversation with a couple of great friends. So glad I didn’t stay in the hotel...